Âme perdue

Lost Soul


I find myself in a confused state of mind. Feeling totally lost. It feels as if my skills and abilities are being sucked out of me slowly and steadily. I’ve lost all motivation to work. Where I'm supposed to gain knowledge and improve my skills, I find that I'm losing them instead. I’m losing what little confidence I’ve had in my abilities. I fear failure and I fear I’m becoming more incapacitated. I’ve lost all purpose of what I’m supposed to be doing. Of what I can do. Of what I should pursue for a better future. I’ve sunk into a black hole and I see no light. I’m drowning... drowning... drowning. How can I save myself?

I feel dazed. Most often I am going through the routines in life like a mechanically operated robot. I don’t really know where I’m going or what I’m doing anymore. I despair. My head feels so heavy... so, so heavy... burdened by thoughts of being a failure. There’re just so many things I’m unsure of...and I keep thinking about what ifs. What if this... what if that... what if... what if...

I’ve been lying low for far too long... I need to get my gumptions up, consequences be damned! Shouldn’t allow people to pull me down. But I’ve been so careful. So careful all these years...that I no longer know who I am or what I’ve become. I'm lost. And I can't cry for help.

My crisis...I don’t know what I want to do. I just don’t know anymore! But, I have an option now... so it’s not so bad... just a little while longer and I’ll get my reprieve. Will it lead to the answer I’m seeking? I don’t know... but I have to give it a shot. It’s only fair.

God, I need a break... I need a quiet place where I can calm myself and simply think of nothing...I need peace.

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.