Unproductivity...

I HATE the state of unproductiveness! I absolutely hate it! hate it! hate it! It makes me feel so useless. I am a person who mentally make plans for the day. I need things to do to keep me occupied. If not, I tend to do a lot of thinking. And that puts me at a state of depression. I refuse to be depressed! I have not had things easy in life or at least as easy as people around me. If i indulge in thinking about matters, I get melancholic. And I refuse to be melancholic. I have adopted optimism to be able to handle difficult situations and problems that arise. The happy facade i put on almost every day helps me get by. The smile is only a mask that hides my inner turmoil. I can't talk to anyone. I can't get close to anyone. I long for a friend whom i can trust...But where do i find such a friend? Silently, i bear it all like a bottle.